Episode 140 -- August 16, 2021

Eight Techniques for Uncovering Joy Every Day

In her book Fearless Relationships: Simple Rules for Lifelong Contentment, Karen Casey offers wise counsel about what helps and what hinders relationships. Drawing from her own life experiences and lessons she learned the hard way, Casey offers a guide for living with more happiness and serenity and creating a world that will nurture us all.

Those of us early in recovery may not feel like we should be thankful; things aren't so easy, and nothing is quite perfect. However, we must keep in mind how much more manageable our lives are now than when we were using.

We can lose sight of the little things that bring our lives joy. When we take a step back and appreciate these things, the work of our recovery becomes simpler and more focused. In this excerpt, Casey provides tips and steps on how to practice gratitude throughout recovery.

This excerpt has been edited for brevity.

No one's day is free from interruptions. Each day presents many possibilities for rudeness and hostility. Often, our day gets going before we are really ready for it to begin. Perhaps an unexpected phone call wakes us up or there has been a power outage and our alarm doesn't ring. When our day begins like this, we are primed for saying things we don't really mean and doing things that are not in the best interest of ourselves or others.

There is one way we can be certain that the day begins the way we want it to. We can take a few minutes shortly after rising to be quiet with ourselves. In that quiet space, we can ask, What can I bring to my relationships today? Taking this time allows our Higher Power to center us and help us develop the attitude of gratitude that will guarantee we will relate to others with love and kindness. If we follow this plan, we'll have a smooth journey all day long.

Having a spirit of gratitude throughout a single day will be transforming, both for ourselves and the others sharing each experience. This is no exaggeration. Being grateful for expected and unexpected experiences will give them a meaning they could not have otherwise had.

Gratitude, as a feeling, seems almost mind-altering; some might even say intoxicating. It excites the spirit and honors every person present too. Only constant practice will convince the nonbeliever.

Fortunately, I have come to believe that gratitude is a decision. It is fortunate because it means I have complete control over how I feel. I may not be able to prevent certain outcomes, nor can I decide how another person might respond to the circumstances lying before us, but I know my own reactions won't create unnecessary complications.

This is a very powerful awareness. It's not one I had when I first entered recovery. In fact, before recovery I was distraught most of the time because I couldn't keep my problems from escalating. I felt very little joy, and I certainly didn't feel grateful for my life or the people in it. On the contrary, I was quite certain that if I had a new set of circumstances, a new group of friends, and most of all, a new husband, I would be problem free. When I had all that, maybe I could feel grateful.

Many of these things did change for me after I found a Twelve Step program. However, the joy I thought I deserved still eluded me until I discovered the meaning and the usefulness of gratitude.

Nothing can really defeat us if we remember the power we have over our own minds. We simply don't need to hang on to any negative thought. No matter how angry we might feel about a situation, we don't have to continue feeling angry. It might take a concentrated effort to shift our perception, but it can be done.

What a gift! We should not underestimate its value or power. The promise it implies is that nothing about today or any future day can have a result that doesn't meet with our willing (though not necessarily eager) acceptance.

Do we choose to bring to the table our kindness, our gratitude, and our generous spirit every day? Hardly. But if we can do so every other day or even once a week, we will make our lives and the lives of those we journey with so much more pleasant. Also, any day we start out on the wrong foot can be salvaged just as soon as we shift our attitude to one of gratitude. We are never stuck with our initial mindset if it isn't bringing us joy.

The big question is: What do we do with the many negative attitudes and situations that still claim our attention? I have learned through the Twelve Steps that my Higher Power can help me seek a grateful perspective. Thus, I am assured of being able to change my experiences. By changing my mind, I change my life. The key is the choice—it is always ours.

I'd like to share an additional tool for changing a negative mindset, one that is frequently suggested in Twelve Step recovery rooms. Before turning off the light when you crawl into bed at night, make a list of the things that occurred throughout the day that you feel grateful for. Think upon these things as you wander off to sleep. What we let linger in our minds multiplies. Happy dreams.

Here are some touch points:

1. Be wary of negative attitudes, because they too can become habits.
2. Make a gratitude list daily.
3. Make this list even if you can name only one thing you were grateful for.
4. Meditate upon this list while going to sleep.
5. Reread this list upon waking.
6. Reread the previous days' lists.
7. Practice silence if you are feeling negative about a situation.
8. ractice changing your mind when you are feeling negative.

About the Author:
Karen Casey is the best-selling author of Each Day a New Beginning, Daily Meditations for Practicing the Course, Keepers of the Wisdom, and numerous other books. She has also written two books for girls: Girls Only! and Girl to Girl. Her signature book, Each Day a New Beginning, has sold three million copies. Karen enjoys golfing and riding her Harley with her husband. She lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and Naples, Florida.

© 2003 by Karen Casey
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