Episode 224 -- June 9, 2022

Change is hard, even when it means moving from bad to good or from okay to better. When we were using alcohol or other drugs, our ability to hope and trust got compromised, and too often we settled for pain that we knew instead of trying for a better future that was unknown and scary. As we keep settling into sobriety, our ability to risk letting go of the things that weigh us down is growing. We're coming to realize that if we want to change, and are willing to reach for it, it's possible.

In his book Twelve Step Sponsorship: How It Works, author and sponsor Hamilton B. writes for both sponsors and sponsees, helping people at any stage of recovery understand and apply the guidance of the Twelve Steps and make the most of the sponsor relationship. In this excerpt, he explores the heart of Step Six: whether we're ready to have our Higher Power take away the defects of character that we identified in Step Four and that we admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being in Step Five.

Willingness is about whether we are ready for change. The author makes a distinction between the changes we're able to make in ourselves and the types of change that can only come from outside us. Are we willing to be changed by the Higher Power that we've named and claimed in our lives? Whether it takes the form of a wise group of peers, God as you understand God, or simply the program itself, your Higher Power is ready to help you live a life of freedom and serenity.

This excerpt has been edited for brevity.

Understanding the Sixth Step
According to the AA Twelve and Twelve, "This is the Step that separates the men from the boys." And, it should be added, the women from the girls. Step Six addresses the issue of our readiness to have removed the defects of character that we identified in Step Four and that we admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being in Step Five. After the rigors of the two preceding Steps, this Step seems, at first glance, to be quick and easy. Not much is required in terms of specific action, yet a great deal is required emotionally and spiritually.

This Step asks us whether or not we are entirely willing to have God remove all our defects of character. Are we willing, in other words, to behave differently from the way we have in the past? Are we willing to change ourselves and to be changed? The AA Big Book puts it this way, "Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can [God] now take them all—every one?" If we are not willing, we are faced again with self-will. We are once more insisting on our own way, even when that way is destructive.

Step Six is about willingness.
As we have experienced before, if we do not recognize a problem, we cannot solve it. Step Six allows us to see the problem. It focuses our attention on our unwillingness to give up the defects of character that we enjoy (such as self-righteous anger and feeling superior toward others). This recognition of the problem enables us to do something about it. "At the very least, we shall have to come to grips with some of our worst character defects and take action toward their removal as quickly as we can," suggests the AA Twelve and Twelve. "Delay is dangerous, and rebellion may be fatal. This is the exact point at which we abandon limited objectives, and move toward God's will for us."

Self-will in the form of our character defects causes a lot of pain that we could otherwise avoid. A review of our Fourth Step inventory is proof enough of that. Even more important, our character defects can lead us back to our addictions or compulsions and their nightmarish consequences. The AA Twelve and Twelve describes our character defects as "flaws which must be dealt with to prevent a retreat into alcoholism." Our character defects cause us pain and can lead us back to our addictions or compulsions. It is urgent, therefore, that we deal with these defects of character.

Given that urgency, Step Six can be confusing because it seems to demand perfection. The phrase "entirely ready" is the sticking point. Who among us is entirely ready to have our defects of character removed? If we are not entirely ready, have we truly taken this Step? The AA Twelve and Twelve offers this interpretation: "The key words 'entirely ready' underline the fact that we want to aim at the very best we know or can learn. "How many of us have this degree of readiness? In an absolute sense practically nobody has it. The best we can do, with all the honesty that we can summon, is to try to have it. Even then the best of us will discover to our dismay that there is always a sticking point, a point at which we say, 'No, I can't give this up yet.'"

The AA Twelve and Twelve assures us, "Only Step One, where we made the 100 percent admission we were powerless over alcohol can be practiced with absolute perfection. The remaining eleven Steps state perfect ideals. They are goals toward which we look, and the measuring sticks by which we estimate our progress. Seen in this light, Step Six is still difficult, but not at all impossible. The only urgent thing is that we make a beginning, and keep trying."

Applying Step Six
Step Six is never completed because we cannot achieve a perfect willingness to have God remove our defects of character. The development of more and more willingness to have our defects of character removed is a lifetime process. Some days we are more willing than others. On those days more of our defects of character are removed, or they are removed to a greater extent. As with Step Three, we can turn it over and take it back in an endless cycle of my-will/Thy-will indecision. With both Steps, pray for willingness.

Pray for willingness.
The impossibility of achieving the Step perfectly, however, does not mean that we should not try to do it as completely as we can. The AA Twelve and Twelve says that the difference in the Sixth Step between "the boys and the men" and the girls and the women is "the difference between striving for a self-determined objective and for the perfect objective which is one of God." While we can't practice this Step perfectly, we can practice it with courage and discipline, striving for the ideal of complete readiness. Our character defects cause us pain and suffering no matter how much we love them. The more of them and their manifestations we can be rid of, the happier we will be.

Taking Step Six
Step Six may be the most difficult of all the Steps to take from a technical standpoint because of the words "entirely ready." Almost no one is "entirely ready" to have his or her defects of character removed. As you consider your own readiness to take Step Six, reflect on the following questions:

• Are you willing to give up the defects of character that give you pleasure or provide some other kind of reward?
• If you could have these defects of character removed right now, would you? If not, why?
• What do you get out of keeping these defects of character?
• What does it mean to be "entirely ready"?

About the Author:
Hazelden Publishing respects the wishes of authors who choose to remain anonymous.

© 1996 by Hamilton B.
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