Episode 226 -- June 23, 2022

Let Go and Let God: Are You Willing?

When we were using, we wanted alcohol or another substance to numb us to our defects of character. We might have tried to ignore the parts of us we didn't like. That didn't go so well for us and for the people who care about us. As we pursue recovery, we're challenged to a new kind of honesty in which we own and admit our shortcomings and flaws. In this process, we're also invited to set them down and embrace new ways of being in the world. Are you ready to change? How willing are you?

A Program for You: A Guide to the Big Book's Design for Living is written as a companion to the Big Book. It directly applies to those who are working the Twelve Steps. Understanding that some of us don't frame our recovery according to the Twelve Steps, we can still take lessons from this tried-and-true tradition and apply them to our own journey.

For those of us who are using the Big Book, this excerpt is an invitation to be honest about our "willingness" when it comes to recovery. As they explore the connections between Steps Five, Six, and Seven, the authors challenge us to examine the reasons we hold onto our shortcomings and do the work that will allow us to let go of the defects of character that can keep us stuck in old patterns. They remind us that our "letting go and letting God" will create space in us for new strengths of character to take root and grow.

This excerpt has been edited for brevity.

The main purpose of Step Five, as we see it, is to extract every bit of pertinent information about yourself that you can with the help of another human being. Your inventories from Step Four will get you most of the way toward making a full, open confession; your talk with another person in Step Five will take you the rest of the way there. We even suggest that you bring your four inventories with you when you tell your story.

Your wrongs that you will discuss with another person will be those things that have blocked you from your Higher Power—resentments, fears, and the harm you've caused others. To get at the exact nature of each of your wrongs, you'll talk about what part or parts of your self are affected—social instinct (previously discussed as the basic human issues of self-esteem, pride, and personal relationships), security instinct (material and emotional), sex instinct (acceptable and hidden), or ambition—and which character defect caused each wrong. Was it selfishness, dishonesty, fearfulness, or inconsiderateness?

Once you have worked Step Five, you'll notice the greatest personality changes taking place in yourself so far. The Big Book describes these changes eloquently on lines 11—21 of page 75. Here is where, at last, you begin to have a spiritual experience and know that your obsession with drinking or using drugs no longer has to control your life.

Letting Go of Shortcomings, Defects, or Wrongs
The last paragraph on page 75 of the Big Book asks you, after you've worked Step Five, to review what you've done so far, to see if you've left anything out, and to be sure that you've been honest and thorough. You're asked to read over the first Five Steps once more and make sure you've worked them sincerely and completely.

Once you have fully worked Step Five, then you're ready for Step Six, in which you acknowledge that you're entirely ready to have a Power greater than yourself remove all the defects of your character that you uncovered in Steps Four and Five.

The Big Book uses the term "wrongs" in Step Five, and the phrase "defects of character" in Step Six. In Step Seven, and other places in the text, the Big Book uses the word "shortcomings." At still other points in the text, the Big Book uses some other terms to mean "wrongs," "defects of character," and "shortcomings." We've been to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings where people have gotten into arguments over which character traits are "wrongs," which are "defects," and which ones are "shortcomings." We think that's missing the point. As far as we can tell, all these terms are saying exactly the same thing. In fact, throughout the Big Book, Bill W. often refers to the same thing using two, three, or four different terms, such as "defects," "faults," "mistakes," "personality flaws," "shortcomings," "wrongs," et cetera. We believe it's just a way of adding variety and avoiding repetition.

It is interesting to us that simply becoming ready to have a Higher Power remove your character defects or shortcomings is a separate Step (Step Six). It isn't until Step Seven that you actually ask your Higher Power to take away these shortcomings or defects. This is no accident. The Big Book recognizes that even though we might see and understand what all of our character defects or shortcomings are, we may not be willing to turn them loose quite yet.

Strange as it sounds, sometimes we'd rather sit in today's pain and suffer than take a chance on doing something different. We are used to the pain and know what it's like, and we've learned to deal with it in our own ways—but we don't know what the future will be like without that pain. So, in many cases, we'd rather suffer with what's familiar than take a chance on changing.

Another reason many of us don't want our character defects or shortcomings removed is that some of them are fun and exciting. They cause us and other people trouble, and they lead to restlessness and discontent instead of peace and serenity—but, because they're fun and exciting, we're unwilling to let go of them.

Then some people worry that if a Higher Power removes all of their character defects, they won't have any personality left at all! But that's simply not how things work. You don't end up with a hole in your personality. Remember that nature abhors a vacuum. When your character defects or shortcomings disappear, other things will rush in to take their place: love, honesty, courage, unselfishness, the will of a Higher Power, and maybe even some peace and serenity. Your character defects or shortcomings will be replaced by character strengths. These will be so much better than anything you've ever had in your personality that you'll wonder why you didn't take this route earlier.

When you understand all of this fully, you are then truly ready to have your Higher Power remove all of your character defects or shortcomings—and you have taken Step Six.

Now you can take Step Seven, in which you humbly ask your Higher Power to remove all of these character defects or shortcomings.

At first, this Step may seem like just an afterthought to Step Six. But we learned that your Higher Power won't remove your character defects or shortcomings—or anything else—from your personality unless you ask.

The Big Book provides you with a prayer you can use for this purpose on lines 8-14 of page 76. We like this prayer because it's simple, straightforward, honest, and direct. But you don't have to use this prayer; if other words come to mind, use them. Feel free to say whatever springs naturally from your heart.

What most of us would like at this point would be for our Higher Power to zap us, take all our defects of character away from us in one fell swoop, and make us immediately pure as the driven snow. We think you can see already that this isn't how things work. Usually it's a slow, steady, gradual process.

One thing we've learned over the years is that our Higher Power can do things we can't—but this Power won't do things for us that we can do for ourselves. We can't remove our own defects of character; all we can do is ask our Higher Power to take them away from us. And that Power can and will take them away. But what all of us can do is practice living in a way that's different from the way we lived when we were ruled by our shortcomings. We can try to live according to some principles—the principles of unselfishness, honesty, courage, and considerateness.

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