Episode 249 -- December 1, 2022

The Active Spirituality of the Twelfth Step

If we are in Twelve Step recovery, we will eventually find ourselves at the Twelfth Step: "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs." By this time, we may start to feel more balanced and centered in ourselves for the first time in a long time—possibly ever. We may also be wondering what's next for our recovery.

In her book A Woman's Way Through the Twelve Steps, Dr. Stephanie Covington guides readers through the Twelve Step journey through the lens of women's perspective—including her own recovery story.

In this excerpt, we learn what a spiritual awakening is and how taking this final Step helps us in the journey of becoming whole. We're reminded that our recovery doesn't end with the Twelfth Step. This is just the beginning. We have a new set of tools, values and relationships. We fully embrace and apply our new way of life by giving it away. The active spirituality of Twelve Step recovery means sharing our experiences to help others.

This excerpt has been edited for brevity.

Step Twelve
Recovery is a new way of life. By doing our personal work in Steps One through Eleven, we develop a new way of thinking, feeling, and acting. The Twelfth Step calls this "a spiritual awakening"—awakening to a life connected to our Inner or Higher Power. It is an awakening to something greater and deeper than our own strengths and resources. That power integrates us and gives us a sense of wholeness.

During our drinking and using years, most of us felt as if we were broken into pieces that didn't quite fit together. Our addictive behavior can cause us to feel "split"—as if our feelings or actions don't belong to us. We may have been puzzled by the intensity of our own rages or depressions, or wondered why we did things that caused us shame and humiliation. It's hard to feel whole when our lives are so out of control.

BECOMING WHOLE
Becoming whole is like climbing a spiral staircase: it takes us upward but also in a circle. We're likely to pass by many of the same challenges on our way up, but they'll look different each time because we've climbed to a new level. We may find life offering opportunities to repeatedly experience old patterns and habits, but each time with more understanding. The next time the situation or pattern repeats, it will probably make more sense and be less immobilizing.

With the help of the Twelve Steps, we've been learning to accept and integrate the many parts of ourselves—to "own" the secrets we used to hide and to bring out our hidden strengths. By the time we reach Step Twelve, we start to feel like an integrated, complete human being. We may begin to feel balanced and centered for the first time.

This is probably not a constant feeling, just as serenity isn't a constant state we achieve. Instead, we typically experience wholeness for a moment, an hour, a day or more, then get pulled away by life's demands. But when life challenges us in this way, we can learn more about ourselves and become more deeply integrated as a result.

A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING
How do we know when we've had a spiritual awakening? What does it feel like? When does it come? Like all things spiritual, the answers will be individual. A spiritual awakening may be dramatic—a sudden experience of enlightenment—or it may be gradual and hard to describe. We might simply have a growing awareness of our connection with life and the greater whole. We wake up spiritually in every way imaginable.

WHAT NEXT?
Recovery isn't something we do in our spare time or only when we're in a crisis. Having had a spiritual awakening, we know our new way of thinking, feeling, and behaving is incompatible with using alcohol, drugs, money, food, or sex in an addictive way. It's self-destructive to go back to this kind of behavior knowing what we know now. We find that succumbing to our addiction is more stressful than ever once we are awakened to the alternative.

Still, relapse is always possible, and one of the ways we prevent it is to work with others. This is the active spirituality of Step Twelve. We "carry this message" so that others learn about the Steps and so that we continually remind ourselves of the basics of recovery. Whether our awakening comes overnight or over a period of years, we'll have something significant to share with another recovering woman: a sense of hope, acceptance, integrity, and wholeness. This is a powerful message to carry.

GIVING IT AWAY
By sharing our experiences with others we learn another of recovery's paradoxes: we keep it by giving it away. Recovery is an experience of mutuality: we constantly give and receive. We become empowered by empowering others, and the way we do this is by sharing our experience, strength, and hope. This doesn't mean we "fix" others, give them advice, or do anything for them they can't do for themselves. It simply means we describe how our recovery has been for us. In the words of AA, we share "what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now."

The simplest way to "Twelve Step" someone is to tell the stories of our drinking or using behavior, how we began recovery, and what our experience has been with the Steps. AA calls itself a program of "attraction, not promotion," which means people will be drawn into recovery and want to stay if they see we have something they desire—like sustained sobriety—but not if we try to sell them on the program. All we have to offer is our own story and the ability to empathize and listen to others.

Working with others doesn't apply only to newcomers who are struggling through their first thirty days of sobriety or abstinence; it means offering support to anyone who's in need of it. This could be someone who's been in the program for many years or someone who isn't in a program at all—a relative, a stranger, a co-worker— and is having a difficult time. The intention is to offer what we have to the person who is "still suffering." This could be anyone, anywhere.

How we carry the message is completely up to us. We can be public or private in the way we share our experience of sobriety and abstinence. "Sandy" is open about her recovery in every aspect of her life, including the literature classes she teaches at a university. Her public disclosures have inspired at least two of her students to seek help for their drinking.

Many of us desire more privacy and anonymity, choosing to do most of our Twelve Step work within our recovery group. In many Twelve Step programs this means "service" and "sponsoring," but it can also mean simply being there when someone needs us or just showing up at meetings and listening.

Service involves helping a Twelve Step meeting run smoothly: setting up chairs, making coffee, ordering and setting out literature, collecting contributions, running the meeting, greeting newcomers, arranging for speakers. Many women find it comfortable and easy to take on service roles, all of which benefit the meeting and encourage us to show up consistently and get involved. Service can be a wonderful way to start to feel connected with a group while giving something back to it at the same time. Through service many of us begin to think how we might also serve our communities or other parts of the larger world.

Sponsoring means spending time with someone who may have less experience with the Steps and guiding her through. It's not about telling someone what to do or giving advice, but suggesting, observing, and sharing your own experience.

Being a sponsor is like being a "big sister" who helps another woman gain some perspective and sort through her feelings. But like everything else in recovery, sponsoring is a mutually helpful relationship. I've learned many things from the women I've worked with as a sponsor. Hearing about another woman's pain and watching her work through it has often been a mirror for my own experience, allowing me to gain a new perspective on my own feelings or memories.

About the Author:
Stephanie S. Covington, Ph.D., L.C.S.W., is a nationally recognized clinician, author, organizational consultant, and lecturer. A pioneer in the field of women's issues and addiction and recovery for many years, she has developed an innovative, gender-responsive approach to address the treatment needs of women and girls that results in effective services in public, private, and institutional settings. Her clients include treatment and correctional settings.

© 1994 by Stephanie S. Covington, Ph.D.
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