Episode 253 -- December 29, 2022

Twelve Ways to Revitalize Your Recovery

Whether you're pursuing recovery with the help of the Twelve Steps or traveling another healing path, you've likely experienced moments or seasons of dryness or doubt, and maybe wondered, "Is this all there is?" Finding energy for recovery each day can be an ongoing challenge, especially once the crises and drama of early recovery have settled into the more predictable patterns of daily living.

Those who navigate recovery with the guidance and support offered by the Twelve Steps aren't immune to doubt or worry or boredom, but they are equipped with skills and resources that can help them continue to grow through hard times. In this excerpt from the revised edition of his classic book A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps, Dr. Patrick Carnes offers practical advice for revitalizing a recovery that may feel stalled or stuck and reminds us that the gifts of recovery are meant to be shared with others in relationships of service and support.

Here are twelve suggestions to help you step into a new season of learning, growth, discovery and wisdom.

This excerpt has been edited for brevity.

Beginning Again

Some things become obvious. By the third year of recovery, most of us learn to accept that boring is okay. One does not have to live in perpetual crisis. In the way we used to live, chaos was a way of life. Now we work to have reserves—emotional, financial, physical, and spiritual—so that when crises do occur, they do not throw us. We have the support we need.

However, it also becomes obvious that our lives are not problem-free. In fact, some of the old issues re-emerge again and again. The difference is that now we have the understanding and the skills to avoid old self-destructive patterns. Most of us sooner or later say to ourselves, "I'm tired of growing," or pray to God, "No more challenges, please!" So we search for balance between the forces in our lives, for stability and the forces for change.

Preserving that balance may bring us to a point where the program ceases to nurture us and becomes dry. How to generate new energy for program efforts is the challenge. Here are concrete actions you can take to revitalize your recovery.

In Alliance with Others

Do Service Work.
For many, the ticket for making progress in recovery has been participating in the fellowship and organizational life. Service in a group or intergroup alters your perceptions and expands awareness dramatically. Passing it on really does make a difference.

Participate in National Events.
Most Twelve Step fellowships organize national conferences and retreats. For many, the effort it takes to participate is rewarded many times over. For some, attendance provides watershed-like experiences in their recovery.

Participate in Group Retreats and Other Local Twelve Step Events.
Many Twelve Step meetings, districts, and areas sponsor retreats, picnics, seminars, roundups, conventions, and other events. Participating in some of these is a great way to expand your relationships within the Twelve Step community and access wisdom about working a Twelve Step program.

Ask for a Group Conscience Meeting.
It is traditional for each Twelve Step group to periodically inventory how well it is functioning. Such an inventory is an ideal opportunity to suggest and discuss changes. If your Twelve Step group is not holding group conscience meetings at least twice a year, think about asking for such a meeting. It could be a gateway to revitalizing group members' involvement—or to making the group more loving and effective.

Join Another Program.
Most of us qualify to participate in another fellowship. An alcoholic, for example, has codependency issues and could dramatically change his or her life by attending Al-Anon. Resistance occurs because one does not want to be a beginner again. Joining another fellowship, for many, is exactly what is needed.

Join a Couples Fellowship.
One of the most significant developments in the recovery groups has been the emergence of couples-oriented fellowships such as Recovering Couples Anonymous or Chapter Nine. Many have reported that joining such a fellowship with a life partner enhanced their recovery dramatically. Couples fellowships are built on the premise that when couples work the Twelve Steps together, each member of the couple experiences "your recovery, my recovery, and our recovery."

Tell Your Story to Someone New.
If you've had the same sponsor for a long time, perhaps now is a good time to find someone new—even if your current sponsor is a wise and wonderful person. This can create a helpful shift in your relationships within the program. A new sponsor may also have helpful insights and perspectives that your previous sponsor did not. Another option is to keep your original sponsor, but ask someone else to sponsor you as well. Many people in Twelve Step programs have more than one sponsor.

On Your Own

Explore Your Resistance.
Sometimes we resist continuing our program efforts because if we continued to the next issue, it would be overwhelming. Sometimes the program becomes "dry" because we really do not want to deal with something. The question to ask is, what are we avoiding?

Note Any Increases of Addictive Behavior.
Addiction can be cunning and baffling. Although we may no longer practice the addiction that brought us to the Twelve Steps, another addiction can slowly creep into our life, one day at a time, and take its place. Do you find yourself strongly drawn to a particular activity? Are you beginning to act compulsively with food, or sex, or gambling, or using the Internet? Have you taken up smoking, or do you smoke more than you used to?

Look at the Larger Patterns in Your Life.
If you've lost some of your energy for recovery and the Twelve Steps, take time out to review your life as a whole. Is the energy loss strictly related to recovery, or do you feel your life in general is stuck or has gone dry? Either way, talk with your sponsor about how you feel. Consider what actions you can take to break (or shake up) the internal logjam in a healthy way.

Lean Into Change.
Do you feel like you're coming up on a major shift in your life—or do you wish you were? Do you feel yourself resisting an upcoming change? Explore your feelings about the potential change, and talk with your sponsor about it.

Revisit the Steps and Your Early Work with Them.
Reflect back on your experience with the Twelve Steps and how far you've come. Also recall the story you told when you first came into the program, and compare it with the story you tell now. As a result of this reflection, are there any Steps you would like to revisit and work anew?

The Tenth, Eleventh, and Twelfth Steps teach us that recovery is an ongoing process. When we work the Twelve Steps, we don't just use them as temporary tools; we make them a way of living.

This way of living involves ongoing reflection and improvement. It also involves passing on the wisdom of the Steps to others.

Through this focus on service—listening to others tell their stories, coaching them through a First Step, and helping them in other ways—we go back through the Steps ourselves. Each time we do, we encounter them with a new perspective and come away with new learnings.

The Twelve Steps also help us cultivate and strengthen a wise inner observer. You'll recall that this is the part of the brain that monitors all its internal traffic, all its different voices, and helps them work together in more effective ways. Over time, our brain starts to function at a higher level than it would have if we hadn't worked the Steps. One day at a time, our regrown brain creates not just health and sanity, but wisdom.

About the Author:
Patrick J. Carnes, PhD, is an internationally known authority on addiction and recovery issues. He has authored over twenty books, including the bestselling titles Out of the Shadows: Understanding Addiction Recovery, Betrayal Bond, Don't Call It Love, and the first edition of A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps. Dr. Carnes's research provides the architecture for the "task model" of treating addictions that is used by thousands of therapists worldwide and many well-known treatment centers, residential facilities, and hospitals. He is the executive director of the Gentle Path Program at Pine Grove Behavioral Health in Hattiesburg, Mississippi, which specializes in dedicated treatment for sexual addiction.

© 1993; 2012 by Patrick J. Carnes, PhD
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